I am sure you are. However, the points below will explore ways in which you can become a more likeable person, if done genuinely and considerately of course. My aim here is for you to read this and keep the main principles in mind so that you can portray yourself in the best manner possible, while remaining true to yourself.
When something goes wrong, how quick are we to blame another person? How long do we spend moaning rather than doing? The problem with blaming others is that it offers no value to us other than for our ego. Failure is rarely univariate, it is more likely multivariate in nature, so blaming just one person can be ignorant. Let me give you an example. A manager gives a subordinate a task to do. Both individuals have substantial experience. If I told you that the worker failed the assignment she was set, would you be able to tell me whether the fault was a result of the manager’s convoluted instructions or the worker’s questionable productivity?
In most cases, it’s probably a combination of the two, so we must be wary about believing we are exempt from failure when we had a part to play. What does this have to do with complaining? Well as you can imagine, each party is likely to have their own respective opinions about who should be blamed for the incident. However, instead of expostulating , what if both parties accepted the result and aimed to correct the wrong? This would eliminate the chance for conflict to arise. The ones who are winning don’t complain. They accept the circumstance and plough energy into making the situation better for everyone.
Give honest and sincere appreciation.
If you legitimately like what somebody is doing, whether that be posting funny Snapchat stories or writing articles about incredible books, let them know that you appreciate their craft. A few days ago, I had a call from a close friend who expressed gratitude for helping him with his CV. It was a pleasant surprise and it was great to hear from him but on that same day, other things were not going so well.
Earlier that morning, I received feedback for a recent essay I completed and it was the lowest mark I had received all year. Moments like that are distressing because I feel like an imbecile if I am explaining all these wonderful things about productivity and work on Summi and I can’t even back it up with hard evidence from my own life. In addition, I was due to go back to University that day to finish my dissertation (crying softly) after a wonderful break. All I can say was that I was not in the best frame of mind. However, when I received that phone call it brought a sprinkle of sweetness to a sour afternoon. You never know when people may need a boost from you. If what they do makes a positive impact on you, repay the favour by shedding some positivity on their lives.
Be a good listener. Encourage others to talk about themselves.
I often arrange to meet people to discuss certain things or just talk about life. During these one-to-one sessions, I may ask a few questions but the focus is on them, not me. I remember one friend who was telling me about a dilemma he was having about career choices. He essentially knew the answer, he just required someone to process it from an unbiased viewpoint. I could have just rambled on about my own career decisions, but that would not have answered his question and nobody enjoys a one-way conversation. Sometimes people just want to be heard. If you value that person, you should try to add value through listening rather than speaking. You will learn so much more.
If you are wrong admit it quickly and emphatically.
I believe that you are a fool only when you fail to admit that you are wrong, once proven otherwise. Up until that point, you are simply expressing yourself. The key is to keep an open mind and to not hold ideas, arguments, and theories so close to your chest. Why? As humans we don’t really know much. There is an infinite amount of knowledge in the universe. Homo Sapiens have tried to make sense of it all, but we are frequently wrong. Theories that we take as fact, may be considered comical 10 years from today. We want to be right because biologically we want to be winners. Losers don’t survive. We need to win. It’s life or death. When we are wrong, neurotransmitters associated with negative emotions are in full flow. Admitting defeat can be hard but the quicker we own up, the greater chance we have to learn and keep our reputation intact.
I am not talking about a creepy Joker-style one either. I’m just saying that the physical action of smiling has emotional implications linked to happiness, so whenever you have a choice between a smile and a frown, find a way to smile (unless you are angry, otherwise you might look like a psychopath 😬).
“It is the individual who is not interested in his fellow men who has the greatest difficulties in life and provides the greatest injury to others. It is from among such individuals that all human failures spring.”
Alfred Adler, What Life Should Mean to You
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