“The great question that has never been answered, and which I have not been able to answer, despite my thirty years of research into the feminine soul, is ‘what do women want?'”

Sigmund Freud

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Power in vulnerability

Is there a mistake in the heading above? Where is the power in vulnerability? Vulnerability after all is a sign of weakness and those who are weak do not survive in this harsh world. Men’s emotions are imprisoned by a distorted view of masculinity, one in which men must halt any attempt to reveal their true nature and instead, convince everyone that they are a ‘real man’. However, being a real man can only expose you more to a reality of despondency and emotional isolation.

Putting yourself out there represents a form a power, when you express that you like a woman romantically, she could reject you or she could agree that the feeling is mutual, regardless, you have taken one step in engineering the life you want. Think of the significant areas of your life as infinity stones and mastering all of these areas will wipe out half of your problems with the snap of your fingers (watch Avenger: Infinity War if I lost you here, it’s worth it).

An encouragement to be vulnerable is not an invitation for you to seek pity from others, screaming about how deep you are or crafting melancholic stories so that women will give you more attention. We try to fight who we truly are because we want to fit society’s image of who we should be, yet vulnerability is about authenticity and I have never met compulsive liars who are content with their lives. I had a friend who deceived others and himself. In the end, he could not handle the pressure of maintaining an illusion. He left the country without a trace. No goodbyes. Nothing.

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Polarisation

We can not please everybody so insisting on being hated by nobody means that you are not loved by anybody either. Honestly expressing yourself will force people to make a decision about you. They can either see you as attractive and a life changing presence or they can see you as a joke or embarrassment. Both are better than neutrality. Even if some people presume you are rude, arrogant and insensitive, it’s for the best that you know this so that you do not invest any more time with these individuals.

I am not excusing narcissistic behaviour or attempts to be deliberately controversial to get a reaction from others, that is needy and not an expression of vulnerability. Rather you should feel uninhibited in expressing your emotions and being the real you so that you can attract people who appreciate you, not the person you think society wants you to be.

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Creating an attractive and enriching lifestyle

Men automatically read the heading above and think they need to earn lots of money to attract women. Yes wealth is a factor because it signals attractive traits such as determination, ambition and stability, however men overweigh the value of money so much that we think earnings loads of money will make us irresistible to women. When I was growing up, I did not have much money so I thought that money would solve all of my problems especially when I saw rappers throwing stacks of cash at the screen on MTV Base. It is still true today, Fredo released a new single ‘Ay Caramba’ featuring almost naked women with body proportions only achievable with extensive cosmetic surgery and I think man I need to jump into the rap scene.

However, women are not sadistic creatures who feast on financial assets, they care more about how you interact and communicate with them. An enriching lifestyle includes pursuing a career that does not leave you constantly stressed, exhausted and irritable; pursuing interesting hobbies, eating healthily and exercising; exploring the world through travel, film or books so that you can interact in sophisticated and unique ways. The better lifestyle you lead, the more attractive you will be.

You know that look women get when they want to have sex? … Yeah, me neither.”

Steve Martin, Actor and Comedian

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